The Hobbit - Bagginshield version
Gandalf: I want you to come on an adventure.
Bilbo: Ha ha, NO.
Thorin: Hello, I am beautiful and majestic and mysterious and beautiful.
Bilbo: I... um... well....
Thorin: Allow me to sexily sing you the seductive song of my people.
Bilbo: *grabs contract* Wait up! Wait for me!
Thorin: Now I will brood and doubt you and test your love.
Bilbo: Maybe I should go.
All: Oh, shit! Goblins! Run like hell!
Thorin: We escaped, but the hobbit is gone. He left us. He never loved me. I guessed as much.
Bilbo: Wrong. I'm here.
Thorin: Why did you come back? Is it because I'm majestic and pretty?
Bilbo: I came back to help you reclaim your home. And, yes, because you're majestic and pretty.
Thorin: Damn straight.
All: Oh, shit! Orcs!
Thorin: Curse you, Azog! You pale demon! You killed my family! Prepare to die! *gets knocked the hell out*
Bilbo: Oh, you did NOT just hurt my boyfriend, you ugly white motherfucker! *proceeds to go all BAMF and kick serious Orc ass*
Eagles: *swoop* Gotcha. Here, enjoy this precarious mountain peak that's nowhere near your destination.
Bilbo: Is Thorin okay? Is he okay? Thorin! Thorin, tell me you're okay!
Thorin: I said you shouldn't have come. I said you had no place with us.
Bilbo: Baby, don't say that...
Thorin: I said you would be a burden..
Thorin: I was never more fucking wrong about any fucking thing in my whole fucking life.
Thorin: Kiss me, you fool!
Bilbo: Oh, God, yes.
adriawal: Martin’s orgasmic groaning in Cabin...
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